the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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