I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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