I'm pants shitting drunk right now
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
