It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
