I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
