apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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