Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
