you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
