I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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