I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
