I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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