I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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