Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
