Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
