i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
