I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
vagina is talking i cant
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
