The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
