hell yes lets make some ravioli
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
