if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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