Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
