judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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