i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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