Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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