is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
