sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
