If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
