I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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