Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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