The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
