and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this just has baby written all over it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
