either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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