Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
