I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
3pm strippers are depressing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
