Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
