Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
