Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think i have herpe
just one?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
