TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
