Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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