He asked me if I "almost moaned"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
