it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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