I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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