Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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