apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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