you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
