Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
