but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
