I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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