Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm too high and old for this...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
