her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
