Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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