he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
