I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
